But officer that’s not fair, I can’t even say the alphabet sober.
Walk in a straight line?! But I can’t even crawl yet officer.
Me: “why am i single?” Brain: “You’re weird” Body: “and you’re fat” Face: “Plus you’re ugly” Food: “but I’m here for you”
Life seems a lot easier after a few glasses of wine.
The only thing worse than being in a room full of drunk people is being sober in a room full of drunk people.
Oh you’ve been drinking? Tell me more about how much you love me.
Got drunk last night, didn’t call or text anyone.
Okay, but just one more beer, I have to be up at 3AM tomorrow to wake my parents up.
The Wii Controller is too difficult while drunk.