Always late, never calls to let you know.
Oh, you’re straight edge? Please tell me more about how perfect you are.
Attention: No one cares about your fantasy football team.
Drinks first Sam Adams, becomes instant expert on craft beers.
No money for rent, buys beer.
If you quit school, just remember these 2 things…1.You tried your best, and 2. I don’t like pickles on my Big Mac.
How does Honey Boo Boo’s mom have a boyfriend, yet I’m still single?
She might as well post, “Need attention NOW” as her Facebook status.
They say the worst pain is getting your heart broken. Try stepping on a lego.
How come gas prices go down for two weeks, but then go up for three months?