I’m Sorry But…

Gets promoted to manager, apologizes to people when asking them to do their work.

Clearing The Calculator

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do I press clear a bunch of times to make sure it worked.

Dumped by girlfriend, just as Halo 4 comes out.

Remember that hilarious scene from that movie? Let’s explain it terribly so it doesn’t sound funny at all.

Sweatbands on your wrist, are for wiping sweat off your forehead.

Lost 10 Pounds, of muscle.

Hypochondria, is the only illness hypochondriacs won’t think they have.

I don’t always shove things up a turkeys butt, but when I do, it tastes delicious.

You’re spending time with your family on Thanksgiving? But I’m all the family you need!

Girl rejects date, never asked.