I Can’t Even Crawl a Straight Line!

Walk in a straight line?! But I can’t even crawl yet officer.

My First Day At The New Job

Got promoted at work, first day.

I don’t always go the speed limit, but when I do, it’s because I just saw a cop.

Always late, never calls to let you know.

Oh, you’re straight edge? Please tell me more about how perfect you are.

Meets girl on the internet, not a girl.

How much do dead batteries cost? Nothing, they’re free of charge!

This is cursive, it is very important and you will use it all the time.

Asks a girl out, apologizes when she says no.

Girlfiriend dumps me a week before her birthday, return her $300 gift.