Anybody can get a first date; talk to me when you start landing a second one.
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How does Honey Boo Boo’s mom have a boyfriend, yet I’m still single?
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My relationship is like an iPad. I don’t have an iPad.
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Ever look at your best friend and say, “Why don’t WE have our own comedy tour?”
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They say the worst pain is getting your heart broken. Try stepping on a lego.
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Breaking up with someone on their birthday shoud result in jail time.
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Is it okay to break up with someone because they always steal the covers at night?
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All of my relationships stall out in the friend zone.
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Let’s never give up on trying to change each other.
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It’s better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life.
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