I know that feel

My relationship is like an iPad. I don’t have an iPad.

Fences are Cheaper Than Bouncers

Why do they have fences around cemeteries? ..Because everyone is dying to get in!

I learned everything I know about relationships from romantic movies

Tried to hold in sneeze during class, Farts.

I get lonely sometimes, but I don’t enjoy being around people either.

Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels.

I’m not sure if you’re a hipster, or homeless.

I’ve overcome my fear of Friday the 13th because there is no way my luck can get any worse.

I’d love to go on a date with you, but I have to go sit in my house by my self.

My new book ran out of batteries.