My relationship is like an iPad. I don’t have an iPad.
Why do they have fences around cemeteries? ..Because everyone is dying to get in!
I learned everything I know about relationships from romantic movies
Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels.
I’m not sure if you’re a hipster, or homeless.
I’ve overcome my fear of Friday the 13th because there is no way my luck can get any worse.
I’d love to go on a date with you, but I have to go sit in my house by my self.
My new book ran out of batteries.