She’s Still Single? Awesome!

Got new girlfriend before my ex got new boyfriend.

Why Can’t They Make All Red Packages?

Opens starburst, finds two cherry.

Grabs two socks, they match.

Forgot keys, also forgot to lock the door.

Sees ex girlfriend, now XL girlfriend.

Ate pancakes, didn’t get any syrup on me.

Overslept for class, class was cancelled.

Took a wrong turn, shortcut.

Stocks up on candy for trick-or-treaters, no one shows up.

Went back to sleep for another 10 minutes, finished awesome dream.