Fido Has More Friends Than Me!

There are dogs on Twitter with more followers than me.

Bush Yo Teef!

We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like, “I’m bored, lets go brush your teeth!”

Platonic Love Can Happen!

It’s possible for a guy and girl to be just a friend, but only if one of them is extremely ugly.


That one friend who literally says literally every chance they get.

Can You Help Me Move Bro?

Come help you move? No thanks, I’d rather die.

Who Needs Real Friends!

I don’t need real life friends when I have fictional characters.

Wise Words

Never become friends with someone who is better looking than you.

Worst Idea Ever!

This is by far the worst idea you have ever come up with…I’ll be there in 10 minutes.

Girls Are Stupid

I want to be friends with girls, but they are all just so stupid.

I Would Hate Killing You

You’re the friend I would feel worst about killing in a zombie apocalypse situation.