Fido Has More Friends Than Me!

There are dogs on Twitter with more followers than me.

Bush Yo Teef!

We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like, “I’m bored, lets go brush your teeth!”

It’s possible for a guy and girl to be just a friend, but only if one of them is extremely ugly.

That one friend who literally says literally every chance they get.

Come help you move? No thanks, I’d rather die.

I don’t need real life friends when I have fictional characters.

Never become friends with someone who is better looking than you.

This is by far the worst idea you have ever come up with…I’ll be there in 10 minutes.

I want to be friends with girls, but they are all just so stupid.

You’re the friend I would feel worst about killing in a zombie apocalypse situation.