Anybody Can Get a First Date

Anybody can get a first date; talk to me when you start landing a second one.

I don’t approve.

How does Honey Boo Boo’s mom have a boyfriend, yet I’m still single?

I know that feel

My relationship is like an iPad. I don’t have an iPad.


Ever look at your best friend and say, “Why don’t WE have our own comedy tour?”

True pain.

They say the worst pain is getting your heart broken. Try stepping on a lego.

At Least 5-10 Years

Breaking up with someone on their birthday shoud result in jail time.

Blanket Thief!

Is it okay to break up with someone because they always steal the covers at night?

Stalling In The Friend Zone

All of my relationships stall out in the friend zone.

No, I WANT to Change You

Let’s never give up on trying to change each other.

Better To Have Loved and Lost…

It’s better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life.