Anybody can get a first date; talk to me when you start landing a second one.
My relationship is like an iPad. I don’t have an iPad.
Ever look at your best friend and say, “Why don’t WE have our own comedy tour?”
Breaking up with someone on their birthday shoud result in jail time.
Is it okay to break up with someone because they always steal the covers at night?
All of my relationships stall out in the friend zone.
Let’s never give up on trying to change each other.
It’s better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life.