It’s Not Easy Being Good

I’ve tried being a good person, but I’ve found it’s much easier just to be a jerk.

Girls Are Stupid

I want to be friends with girls, but they are all just so stupid.

The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they had.

I’m going to deliberately run into someones car with a coexist bumper sticker to test their tolerance.

I’m so glad you found someone who will settle for someone like you.

Hmmmm this text sounds a little harsh. I’ll just add a smiley face at the end.

I’d like it if you didn’t interrupt me while I’m ignoring you.

You’d be my first choice if there were no other choices.

I’m glad we share a sense of humor and an understanding that I’m slightly funnier.

May your life someday be as cool as you pretend it is on Facebook.