The best nicknames are usually the ones that people don’t know they have.
What do people in China call their good dishes?
What product is that?
I just tried to kill a spider with hairspray. He’s still alive but his hair looks fabulous.
If the Mayans have taught us anything, it’s that, even if you don’t finish something important, it’s not the end of the world.
Gotta Stay Fit
Chocolate is a health food. Mental health.
Always be yourself. Unless you can be a unicorn. In which case, you should always be a unicorn.
Don’t Think Too Hard
Over-thinking is one of the top causes of depression.
The Bard’s Got Swagger
Shakespeare invented the word “swagger.”
Is The World Gonna End Yet?
Since the Mayan calendar did not include leap years, the world should have ended about 13 months ago.