I hate surprises.

I have a surprise for you…it’s poop.

What Did You Say?

I don’t always tune people out, but when I do, they are usually trying to teach me something.

Why does waldo wear stripes? He doesn’t want to be spotted.

Went grocery shopping, got a cart with four good wheels.

OMG! Insomnia! Goes to bed at 2am wakes up at Noon.

Facebook says you are interested in women? You should only be interested in me!

If all clocks turn digital, how will we know what clockwise and counterclockwise are?

Reads socially awkward penguin memes, identifies with every one.

8 Hours of sleep? Ya, good luck with that.

I graded all your tests, but I can’t hand them back yet because one student hasn’t taken it.