Muffin Tops!

Girl this ain’t no bakery so put that muffin top away!

Kill It!!

I don’t care how small that spider is, I want it dead.

That awkward moment when you accidentally touch a piece of gum under your desk.

That awkward moment when your mom is a sex therapist.

I would hold in my farts for you.

Life is too short to use one ply toilet paper.

Gets first pubic hair, on his pizza.

If he is 21 and you are 15. That’s not dating, that’s babysitting.

Opens a window to get fresh air, spiders.

I’ve worn the same clothes 3 days in a row and nobody’s noticed.