If It Doesn’t Have Pictures Then Forget It

My friend: “You should read this book!” Me: “Does it have pictures?”

Romance At Its Finest

The cutest thing someone can do for you is cover you up with a blanket while you’re sleeping.

It’s 2012 and I still do not have a flying car; scientists have clearly failed.

I may be old enough to drink, but I still would rock a pair of light-up tennis shoes with no shame.

There is a reason “die” is the first three letters in the word “diet.”

That awkward moment when you’re not sure if the waitress likes you, or just wants a big tip.

Anytime I see people whispering, I automatically think they’re talking about me.

How do you know when you’re in love? When you’ve accepted the fact that your boyfriend/girlfriend does indeed poop, too.

Seeing old people kiss is both sweet and disgusting at the same time.

Give me some food and Netflix and you won’t hear from me for a week.