Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday?
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The last thing I want to do is hurt you..but its still on the list.
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You know what your problem is? I’m too good looking.
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I wonder if British people sit around trying to talk in an American accent
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I hate you. Maybe not in a I hope you die kind of way, but in a I hope you develop an allergy to bacon kind of way. And ice cream.
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Yes, these heels are killing me, but 2 more drinks and I’ll forget I have feet.
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Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.
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I’m trying to get my bridal registry ready, but my parents think registering at a liquor store is inappropriate.
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Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a super power
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Did you want to “ask” me or “axe” me? Because, seriously, one is murder.
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