I Don’t Always Lose My Phone

I don’t always lose my phone. But when I do, it’s on silent.

I Don’t Always Chug Milk

I don’t always decide to chug the remainder of the milk jug. But when I do, I greatly underestimate how much is left.

I don’t always get visitors in my office. But when I do, it’s right after I fart.

I don’t always cut my hair short but when I do I use way too much shampoo the next day.

I don’t always watch women’s tennis, but when I do, I always root for the hotter one.