I Left It On Your Mom’s Dresser

“Next time the bully asks for your lunch money, tell him you left it on his mother’s dresser.”

We Can Still Be Friends

“We can still be friends” is like saying “Hey, the dog died but we can still keep it.”

I would hold in my farts for you.

Maybe you’re not a loser, maybe you are just so hot the opposite sex is too scared to talk to you.

Two guys are in love with me, I don’t know which to pick.

I’ve got 99 problems, women are all of them.

My ex? Ya I’d hit that….with my car.

Facebook keeps suggesting my ex as a friend.

If he is 21 and you are 15. That’s not dating, that’s babysitting.

Just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren’t naked right now.