This is the Worst Monday

I’m having the worst Monday since last Monday.

Shirtless In Every Photo

You’d have a better chance being shirtless in a woman’s bedroom if you weren’t shirtless in every photo online.

I couldn’t help noticing that you’re mind-blowingly hot.

Honestly, I’d be way more excited for you if I wasn’t so hungry.

I even postpone procrastination.

I blame your perfect breasts for my inability to focus during our conversations.

I may have over-trusted that fart.

Just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren’t naked right now.

I love you like a pig loves not being bacon.

May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.