This is every day for me

I’m gonna take a hot shower, it’s a normal shower, but with me in it.

Yay! A Trophy!

That embarrassing moment when you get a trophy for “participating.”

I love you with all my butt. I would say heart, but my butt is bigger.

Walking into your room and thinking “I should clean this” Then walking out

There’s a fine line between tan, and looking like you rolled in Doritos.

Putting your leg out of the blankets and feeling exposed to monsters. you know this feel.

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

I hate when people steal my ideas, before I think of them.

I want to get a tattoo that says, “This was a mistake”

Is your child still wetting the bed? Get them an electric blanket, they’ll learn.