I’m Sorry But…

Gets promoted to manager, apologizes to people when asking them to do their work.

Clearing The Calculator

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do I press clear a bunch of times to make sure it worked.

Great Timing

Dumped by girlfriend, just as Halo 4 comes out.

Guess You Had To See It!

Remember that hilarious scene from that movie? Let’s explain it terribly so it doesn’t sound funny at all.

Wristbands Are For Your Forehead!

Sweatbands on your wrist, are for wiping sweat off your forehead.

Awesome I Lost 10 Pounds

Lost 10 Pounds, of muscle.

Do I Have Hypochondria?

Hypochondria, is the only illness hypochondriacs won’t think they have.

Mmmmm Stuffing

I don’t always shove things up a turkeys butt, but when I do, it tastes delicious.

A Family Thanksgiving?

You’re spending time with your family on Thanksgiving? But I’m all the family you need!

But I Didn’t Even Ask You Yet

Girl rejects date, never asked.