Of Course She Has A Boyfriend

I don’t always meet a nice girl, but when I do, I meet her boyfriend 2 minutes later.

I Don’t Always Use The Microwave

I don’t always use the microwave, but when I do, I see how much I can get done before the timer reaches :00.

Making Out With A Celebrity?

I don’t always make out with celebrities, but when I do, I wake up before I make it to third base.

iPod Shuffle Is Useless

I don’t always listen to my iPod on shuffle. But when I do, I skip each song until I find the one I wanted.


I don’t always spontaneously burst into dance, but when I do, I just walked thru a spider web.

Oh Walmart You Make Me Feel Good About Myself

I don’t always feel like I’m at the top of the gene pool, but when I do, I’m at walmart.

I Miss Bob Saget

I don’t always watch America’s Funniest Home Videos, but when I do, the winners are never the ones I laugh at.

Of Course I Need Something!

I Don’t Always call my parents, but when I do, I need something.

How Old Am I?

I don’t always get asked how old I am, but when I do, it takes me 2 minutes to figure it out.

I Think Waiters Do It On Purpose

I don’t always need to answer the waiter, but when I do, it’s right after I took a huge bite of food.