How Long Does It Take You To Type That?

Oh, U TYP3 LYK D1S? Please tell me more while I throw this dictionary at your face.

Names People Don’t Even Know About

The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they had.

Took Candy From The Wrong Baby

He thought it would be easy? Break his fingers, nobody takes candy from this baby.

You Can’t Suck In Back Fat

No matter how hard you try, you can’t suck in back fat.

Hit The Gym or Hit The Person?

Hitting the gym to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that caused the stress to begin with.

Changing Status To Orphan

I hate when couples have a little fight then change their status on Facebook to “single.” I fight with my parents and I don’t change my status to “Orphan.”

Who Names Their Kid LOL?

There are 84 people in the USA named LOL.

I Have Good Taste, I’m Just Broke

I have good taste, I just don’t have the money to prove it.

I Get Lonely Sometimes

I get lonely sometimes, but I don’t enjoy being around people either.

Coexist With This!

I’m going to deliberately run into someones car with a coexist bumper sticker to test their tolerance.