George WashingWHO?

You know more about Harry Potter than you do American History.

I Didn’t Break Up With You

Just because you broke up with me, doesn’t mean I broke up with you.

Why are you late? …I don’t want to hear your excuses.

That awkward moment when a zombie is looking for brains and walks right past you.

Money can’t buy happiness, but I’d much rather cry in a mansion.

That awkward moment when your mom is a sex therapist.

Okay, but just one more beer, I have to be up at 3AM tomorrow to wake my parents up.

When you can’t tell if you have a headache from too little starbucks, or too much.

Glitter is my favorite color.

It took you 10 minutes to get home, Google map says it takes 8. Who is she?