Drop Me Like It’s Hot

At my funeral when lowering me into the ground I want them to play, “Drop it like it’s hot.”

I May Look Calm

I may look calm, but in my head I’ve killed you three times.

If you don’t want to date me, that’s fine, I get that, but you’re wrong and I hate you.

So you’re telling me people pay you to sit on your computer and look at pictures of cats all day.

I can’t find gullible in the dictionary.

Friend brought over movie to watch, not blu-ray.

I was unhappy earlier today but now I’m happy again, LOL I am so bipolar.

I’m so glad you found someone who will settle for someone like you.

I start off every conversation in the spirit of ripping off a band aid quickly.

I deleted my Facebook for Google+