Why Are You So Tired?

I’m so tired, I stayed up all night watching you sleep.

I Got The Job!

New Job, goes out of business the next day.

Watches show on your DVR, deleted it without asking if you’ve watched it yet.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Why do they have fences around cemeteries? ..Because everyone is dying to get in!

breaks up with you, still uses your netflix account.

If it weren’t for the fact that the TV and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn’t get any exercise at all.

Last night I filled up my gas tank, went to a movie, and got large popcorn and soda. Spent about 7000 dollars.

I used to work at an orange juice factory, but was fired because I couldn’t concentrate.